Carlos the Angry Cat: Mothers Day

Arnold had gone.  He’d gone!  Carlos could barely contain himself.  This meant … things!  He could sleep.  He could watch the rest of Olan Rogers’ videos.  This was going to be great.  Carlos lay there in his bed.  AudioWhores blared as he looked around thinking about the possibilities.  His eyes met the peeling 1980s wall paper, the flat pack wardrobe  and the pine desk.  Carlos loved it.  His little kingdom was in perfect order and enjoying a reign of tranquility without Arnold.  Carlos’s eyes were stuck on his desk.  His calendar was brightly coloured with pictures of parrots in hats to be sure, but that’s not why Carlos’s eyes were stuck.

It was March.  After a line of crosses the date today was the 10th.  The 10th.  What was the 10th… Mothers day!  Carlos went into a cold sweat as panic over took his body.  This meant one thing, Carlos’ mother was coming all the way from his native Brazil.  Braving a look at his phone Carlos even saw a text from her.  She was on her way.  Carlos flew out of bed with force of a disturbed banshee.  He threw on any clothes he could find and ended up in a pair of dirty jeans and a Mighty Boosh t-shirt.  He pulled on a pair of knackered green converse that in reality were probably worse than going bare foot and ran out his front door.  He ran down the dull and distintergrating corridor, down a dark creaky stair case and out onto the street.

The street ahead was just a street.  A few houses and blocks of flats, some cars parked on the side and a crazy lady selling live penguins. Y’know, just your average street.  Carlos knew though that this tarmac was destined to betray him as it carried his mother straight to his front door in a cloud of samba music, confetti and overly strong perfume.  Carlos lived at the bottom of a dead end, he ran up to the main road and could feel the vibration of incoming terror on its way.  From the left Carlos guessed.  He ran right.  Renowned as a rebellious figure within Wickam-under-Siege Carlos decided there was no harm in borrowing a car.  Armed with his meanest face he glared at the car door.  Concentration caused lines to erupt across his face.  Alas, it was no good.  He punched through the window and hot wired the car.  He was off.  Grey sped past him.  The sky, pavements, buildings, expressions – there was more grey around Carlos than in a Homebase colour chart.  Eventually the houses turned to trees and the sun peaked its head from the side of an oddly guitar shaped cloud.  Carlos was ready for fresh air and country smells to sidle up to his nose and refresh him.

What actually happened was the smell of manure, flying through the air before it slammed into Carlos’ face.   Helpfully there was a pub close by, complete with windows and doors to keep away all the bad smells the countryside could hide.  Carlos pulled up off the road into the pubs gravel car park.  A sign skipped in the breeze, revealing the pub to be called The Bear’s Coat.  After a Workaholics flashback had passed Carlos got out the car.  There was something wrong though.  Carlos the Angry Cat could tell, sadly he couldn’t tell what.  Gravel crunched under Carlos as the gravel hurt his feet through the holes in his converse.  Limping through the door the warm hair hit Carlos and sent good vibes tumbling through his body.  Sadly again though the manure essence was still clinging to his nose and blocking a quite formidable odour.

Carlos turned towards the rustic looking bar selecting his cider of choice.  Unhelpfully next to the chosen cider, Roundboy Ruin, was someone Carlos hadn’t seen for a while

‘Roger?  Wha .. wha .. what are you doing here?’ Carlos said uncertainly.

‘When you left, before, I forgot that we had a little unfinished business’ informed Roger, the coke dealing fox.

‘We did?  Did it involve deodorant?  You still smell all kinds of bad!’

‘Actually … no.  You were going to take me to see … Finding Nemo’ Roger said shakily.

‘Really?  How did you find me?’ Enquired Carlos wearily.

‘It’s actually a really long ….’

‘Do you know what, I’m going now.  Buy it on DVD, and get your hands on some Lynx.  We had some good times, and I admire your dedication but this is decidedly odd.’

‘You’re lucky I have go do a deal anyway’.

Carlos suddenly realized Mothers Day with your mother isn’t such a bad thing.

David Horn

Related Posts:

Carlos the Angry Cat: The Back Story

Arnold the Newt 3: The Road Trip Part 1

Carrier Pigeons

AudioWhores – AudioWhores

Genre terrorists.  That’s how Richard Peek describes AudioWhores.  Add to this a love of head banging, coffee and … cling film and you’ve got yourself something your ears need inside them.  Hailing from Tonbridge the AudioWhores have a unique blend of subtly, big riffs and funk.  This is AudioWhores’ second release and sees a shift in sound from Fresh Pots whilst still preserving their sound.

Incident starts the album, and is probably your brain will log hearing it.  A menacing opening riff and ominous drums make the intro to Incident the perfect music for a film villain.  Incident then goes into AudioWhores unique sound.  Heavy riffs combine with strong basslines to make seductive music that will refresh your ears more than a Sprite after a music festival.  Returning to a dominating chorus Incident builds and builds as the riff grows in menace.  A  sculpted and tense riff increases Incident’s feel as the track charges to an end.  Across all of this are vocals which complete the unique feel of Incident, they manage to achieve another smooth but fiery tone.

AudioWhores

Tracks such as D.I.M, Slice of Life and Half Hundred continue the heavy vibe.  A hard but funky riff opens D.IM which builds as the track continues.  The drums and guitar give D.I.M swagger as vocals surf the music, managing to sound smooth and moreish but also to growl.  Starting in an energetic and aggressive guitar frenzy Slice of Life is the first single from AudioWhores’ self titled album.  The heavy sound of the verse storms down your ears before breaking into an instantly sing-able and funky chorus.  As Slice of Life continues the band’s sounds erupts into a new level of energy and volume.  Half Hundred is a ten minute epic that flits between light and punishing guitars.  Drums provide a powerful constant as Half Hundred showcases both extremes of AudioWhore’s sound.  The track detonates into a sea of energy and sirens as it reaches three minutes.  This mushroom cloud of sound  grows and grows, gaining momentum until a light but groove laden riff climbs out.  With less than a minute to go one final riff breaks before bringing the track to stop.

Reprise brings out another side of AudioWhores entirely.  Reprise warms up slowly as a gentle piano and a soft but dark riff seep out your speakers.  The track builds slowly, sounding like a sonic mist.  As the sound gradually becomes more complex and layered you find yourself getting lost within the track.  Even the addition of a powerful riff doesn’t lose Reprise’s sense of calm.  As the track continues it gives off an increasingly Pink Floyd vibe whilst never loosing the uniqueness of AudioWhore’s sound.  As the aurora borealis of sound peaks with big stretching riffs a piano line returns to finish Reprise in a gentle close, welcoming you back to reality.  This is echoed by We Played On.  A reassuring piano line begins the track as a Latin guitar joins.  Both carry a sense of anticipation as haunting vocals complete the sound.  We Played On also sounds like a movie soundtrack, scoring the part at the end were people rebuild.  Two thirds in energy enters We Played On as the anticipation is turned into a sound with an epic feel to by drums and a charged guitar riff.  Tracks that surely improve with the size of your headphones, these both show the talent and versatility of AudioWhores.

AudioWhores

Decayed Words shows the twin worlds of Audiowhores in harmony as it manages to be funky whilst having an edge.  The energy steps up half way through as the sound hardens and the latin feel increases.  42 Hand Man show’s a glimpse of the AudioWhores from their E.P Fresh Pots.  A soft piano and duel vocals from both the singer and a female vocalist start the sone.  This peaceful sound is interrupted by crisp drumming and a funk driven new sound. Sounding like their previous E.P AudioWhores continue to show the range of their sound.   42 Hand Man takes on a lounge before winding back down to its opening sound.  Before you can feel to blissed out however the drums and a cheeky ‘der der der der’ spur the track into a funk heavy close.

AudioWhores’ self titled album is a crafted and creative piece of work.  It is much more an album than a collection of sounds and continuously surprizes as it goes on.  An album  that challenges anything locally or nationally, it is one you should get in your life!  See the video for Slice of Life below.

AudioWhores on Facebook

AudioWhores on Bandcamp

David Horn

Related Posts:

Free Download: AudioWhores – Citizen

Release Review: Syd Arthur – Dorothy

BandPage: Vivid Nation

The Banned Reviews Takeover 03/03/13

We hope you enjoyed more great underground and unsigned music.  It pressed lots of nice buttons in our brains, like a kid hitting lots of red buttons.  The end result was plenty of amazing sounds from artists and producers from across the UK, and even one band from Chicago.  AudioWhore’s album is just out and a bit good! Meanwhile we’re expecting great new material from Atlantica soon.  We hope their tracks got you excited!  Hear it again on Friday at 6.30 or listen now for great independent music.  Do you like what you hear?  Any requests?  Email bannedreviews@live.co.uk.

Track Listing:

AudioWhores – Slice of Life / On Facebook

Tyrannosaurus Alan – S.T.B feat Jak Brown / On Facebook

Atlantica – In Vivid Colour / On Facebook

Fish Tank – Kakapo / On Facebook

The New Diet – See Millions, Saw Few / On Facebook

Matt Appleby – By Night / On Facebook

Common Outlaw – Catalyst / On Facebook

Wildfowl – She Opened Her Legs / On Facebook

Up For The Letdown – I Fear Sharks / On Facebook

Slaves – Cease Fire / On Facebook

Slaves – Nervous Energy

Wolfstone Ft. Romy Harmony & Alexander – I’ll Never Let You Go (Fade Remix) / On Facebook

Afro Dizzy Jack Remix – Talking with myself 2012  Afro Dizzy Jack Remix / On Facebook

Mr Beanie – Trap Mix / On Facebook

Much Love.

09/01/2013: Audiowhores and Elle Rayenne

It’s a good week for music!  We couldn’t decide on one so here’s two tracks for you this week.

The first comes from a previous free download, Audiowhores.  Starting 2013 in style the band are hitting you with a new track and a new a video.  The track is called Slice of Life, and hit is definitely the word of choice.  As you press play a heavy riff slams into your ear drums.  Slice of Life storms along like a drunk looking for pizza at 4am in the morning as undeniably funky vocals soar over the driven sounds.  A hooky chorus then completes the job before a big solo climbs out the mix.  A new development in Audiowhores sound, your ears need this – just sayin’.  Plus there are only 200 downloads available!

Download your copy of Slice of Life here.  Scroll down for Elle Rayenne.

Other Related Posts:

Free Download: Audiowhores – Citizen

Next is Elle Rayenne.  They’re back with a new E.P and from it the track so catchy it should probably be illgel, Rayguns.  This is the E.P’s title track and once you hear it, it’s not leaving your mind.  Ever.  From the first ‘Oh Oh Oh Oh’ it’s embedded in your brain.  Full of awesome indie vibes this track has it all; an obscenely catchy chorus, a bouncy pace and great vocals.   And this is only one of the four track E.P.  Get it your copy of Raygun here, because sometimes happy bouncy smiling is just what you need.

Other Related Posts:

Free Download: Elle Rayenne – Celestial Navigation

The Banned Reviews Takeover 25/11/12

Another hour of big sounding Kent music thanks to our highly trained music ninjas!! Plus a couple of bonuses that have been doing nice things to our insides all week!  What do you think?  Join listeners in Europe, Russia and the USA and catch it again on Friday at 6.30!!  Listen 24/7 for independent and unsigned music. Promise Me Tomorrow are sadly no more, here’s to big musical futures to you all (and everyone!).

I.R.I.S – Lie for Me / On Facebook

Left of The Right Side – Skyward / On Facebook

Blind Ambitions – Headlines / On Facebook

Insult – Face In The Mud / On Facebook

Adam Jerome – The Price You Pay / On Facebook

Audiowhores – Citizen /On Facebook

The Alex Beharrell Band – Bermondsey Square / On Facebook

Promise Me Tomorrow – Knock Backs and Heart Attacks / On Facebook

Loaded Pistolas – Underground / On Facebook

Promise Me Tomorrow – You Haven’t Seen The Best of Me / On Facebook

Bastile – Of The Night / On Facebook

Kilo Kish – Navy / On Facebook

Krafty – Tell Me The Truth / On Facebook

Skizor – Riot / On Facebook

Rebirth Records Mini Mix / On Facebook

You stay classy, planet Earth!

19/11/2012: Audiowhores – Citizen

Warm yourself up with some latin vibes!  Audiowhores (best name ever?!) will sort you out as winter sneeks in like next doors cat.  The track is called Citizen, it’s a big sounding acoustic record with more funk than a patch of floor James Brown once stood on!  Check it out here!  While you’re there you download the whole E.P, it’s free but if you’re feeling flush you can name your price.  Enjoy!