Carlos the Angry Cat: Mothers Day

Arnold had gone.  He’d gone!  Carlos could barely contain himself.  This meant … things!  He could sleep.  He could watch the rest of Olan Rogers’ videos.  This was going to be great.  Carlos lay there in his bed.  AudioWhores blared as he looked around thinking about the possibilities.  His eyes met the peeling 1980s wall paper, the flat pack wardrobe  and the pine desk.  Carlos loved it.  His little kingdom was in perfect order and enjoying a reign of tranquility without Arnold.  Carlos’s eyes were stuck on his desk.  His calendar was brightly coloured with pictures of parrots in hats to be sure, but that’s not why Carlos’s eyes were stuck.

It was March.  After a line of crosses the date today was the 10th.  The 10th.  What was the 10th… Mothers day!  Carlos went into a cold sweat as panic over took his body.  This meant one thing, Carlos’ mother was coming all the way from his native Brazil.  Braving a look at his phone Carlos even saw a text from her.  She was on her way.  Carlos flew out of bed with force of a disturbed banshee.  He threw on any clothes he could find and ended up in a pair of dirty jeans and a Mighty Boosh t-shirt.  He pulled on a pair of knackered green converse that in reality were probably worse than going bare foot and ran out his front door.  He ran down the dull and distintergrating corridor, down a dark creaky stair case and out onto the street.

The street ahead was just a street.  A few houses and blocks of flats, some cars parked on the side and a crazy lady selling live penguins. Y’know, just your average street.  Carlos knew though that this tarmac was destined to betray him as it carried his mother straight to his front door in a cloud of samba music, confetti and overly strong perfume.  Carlos lived at the bottom of a dead end, he ran up to the main road and could feel the vibration of incoming terror on its way.  From the left Carlos guessed.  He ran right.  Renowned as a rebellious figure within Wickam-under-Siege Carlos decided there was no harm in borrowing a car.  Armed with his meanest face he glared at the car door.  Concentration caused lines to erupt across his face.  Alas, it was no good.  He punched through the window and hot wired the car.  He was off.  Grey sped past him.  The sky, pavements, buildings, expressions – there was more grey around Carlos than in a Homebase colour chart.  Eventually the houses turned to trees and the sun peaked its head from the side of an oddly guitar shaped cloud.  Carlos was ready for fresh air and country smells to sidle up to his nose and refresh him.

What actually happened was the smell of manure, flying through the air before it slammed into Carlos’ face.   Helpfully there was a pub close by, complete with windows and doors to keep away all the bad smells the countryside could hide.  Carlos pulled up off the road into the pubs gravel car park.  A sign skipped in the breeze, revealing the pub to be called The Bear’s Coat.  After a Workaholics flashback had passed Carlos got out the car.  There was something wrong though.  Carlos the Angry Cat could tell, sadly he couldn’t tell what.  Gravel crunched under Carlos as the gravel hurt his feet through the holes in his converse.  Limping through the door the warm hair hit Carlos and sent good vibes tumbling through his body.  Sadly again though the manure essence was still clinging to his nose and blocking a quite formidable odour.

Carlos turned towards the rustic looking bar selecting his cider of choice.  Unhelpfully next to the chosen cider, Roundboy Ruin, was someone Carlos hadn’t seen for a while

‘Roger?  Wha .. wha .. what are you doing here?’ Carlos said uncertainly.

‘When you left, before, I forgot that we had a little unfinished business’ informed Roger, the coke dealing fox.

‘We did?  Did it involve deodorant?  You still smell all kinds of bad!’

‘Actually … no.  You were going to take me to see … Finding Nemo’ Roger said shakily.

‘Really?  How did you find me?’ Enquired Carlos wearily.

‘It’s actually a really long ….’

‘Do you know what, I’m going now.  Buy it on DVD, and get your hands on some Lynx.  We had some good times, and I admire your dedication but this is decidedly odd.’

‘You’re lucky I have go do a deal anyway’.

Carlos suddenly realized Mothers Day with your mother isn’t such a bad thing.

David Horn

Related Posts:

Carlos the Angry Cat: The Back Story

Arnold the Newt 3: The Road Trip Part 1

Carrier Pigeons


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